Redneck Jokes – Issue Number 1

Redneck Jokes, issue 1

This is our first redneck jokes collection. We’re not sure if we will do a second or third issue, because while funny, rednecks really do lend themselves to be bashed on some. you rednecks out there, you tell us. More, or no?

Redneck and the Genie

A redneck hit the jackpot when the old brass bottle he found in the back yard turned out to have a genie in it. Any three wishes he had would be granted, the genie informed him.

“I wanna be rich,” said the redneck.
The back yard filled up with pallet upon pallet of gold bars
“I wanna be a clean cut city boy.” And there he stood, white, blonde-haired and blue-eyed.
“Thirdly, I never want to work another day in my life.”
And he was redneck once again.
~~~~~~

Exciting Kitchen Items

More Jokes and Pickup Lines.

You ready for a whole bunch of one liner redneck jokes? Ok, GO!

“I might be missing teeth, but that just leaves more room for your tongue.”
“Like my belt buckle?” (Why?) “It would look better on your forehead!”
“God wants us to be together. That’s why he gave us the same parents!”
“If I were a tractor and you were a plow, I would definitely hook up with you.”
“Let’s go fishing, I’ll be the rod, you be the fish and later on we’ll hook up!”

“If you think this buckle is big wait till you see what’s behind it.”
“My Love fer you is like diarrhea – I kin’t hold it in.”
“Are yer parents retarded? ‘cuz ya sure are special.”
“Country boys don’t need pick-up lines, cause they’ve got pick-up trucks.”
“Girl you must be my cousin cause I wanna do you.”

“You got curves like a racetrack, and tonight, I’m gonna be your Ricky Bobby.”
“Did you fart? ‘cuz you just blew me away!”
“Can I borrow your t-shirt? I gotta go wipe the oil off my dip stick.”
“Well ain’t you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?”
“Hey Baby. Wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 10 anyway.”

“You might not be the best lookin girl here but beauty’s only a light switch away.”
“Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.”
“If I had a garden I’d put your two lips and my two lips together.”
“Is there a mirror in yer pants? ‘cuz I can see myself in em.”
“Hey you looking for a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD, All I need is U”

“Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.”
“I bet your father was a good farmer, cause you’re one fine hoe.”
“Hey babe…do you realize that my mouth can generate over 3000 rpm?”
“Oh, you live in the country……… I’d like to check you for ticks!”
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d sure shootin’ put U and me together.”

“I Like My Girls Like My Koolaid, “Sweet And Goin Down Easy.”
“I may not have as many teeth as Fred Flinstone, but wanna watch me make my bedrock?”
“Can I make you a drink? My still is in the back of my camper- Or as I call it- my sheep shack.”
“Well, tie me to a pig and roll me in the mud! You are mighty purdy for a heavy girl.”
“Baby, you are prettier than a beer truck pulling into my driveway. ”

“Tell me honey, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?”
“If you were a tree and I was a squirrel, I’d store my nuts in you.”
“Hey you remember that BBQ, when I slapped my meat on you grill.”
“Your Ass Looks Nice, does it need servicing cause I got a wrench and some screws just for you.”
“If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.”

“I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.”
“Hi there darling. Wow, I bet you were really hot when you were about my age!”
“Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I’ll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!”
“Your hair is just about as purdy as that squirrel’s I skinned this morning, and it smells just as good!”
“A few more beers, and I’d probly do ya. So give me a minute darling, and then I’ll give you one!”

Thank you for viewing this issue of Redneck Jokes! We take our redneck jokes very seriously, and if you have or know any good ones, send them in (laughshopdotcom at gmail.com) or you can post them right on Laughshop.com

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