End of the Day Just Because Jokes
We dug into our archives for these end of the day just because jokes. Enjoy!
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking Joke.
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
“Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”
And they did.
“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.”
And they did.
“Now we eat everybody.”
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first?
Why did we swim around and around them?”
His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without all the shit inside!”
Great Ways to Have an Extra-Special Time At WalMart Joke.
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, “I need some tampons.”
5. Try on bras over the top of your clothes.
6. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible “I smell sex and candy”
8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens.
9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
10. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
SteveLWashickSr sent this is, he has the stage with Random Jokes
Have you heard about the new Mint flavored birth control pill for women than can be taken immediately before sex? They’re called “Predickamints.”
Q. What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
A. The pickpocket snatches your watch.
Q. What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A. 45 lbs.
Q. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A. 45 minutes.
Q. How are women and rocks alike?
A. You skip the flat ones.
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.
Q. What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers?
Q. What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme.
Political end of the day just because jokes.
Let’s see, there’s the Gerald Ford Library, the Nixon, the James Carter
Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, the George W Bush Coloring Book Museum and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
And there’s the end of the end of the day just because jokes
Another set of jokes sent in by Boyle! Updated With LS editors notes where needed.
What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. [editors note: I don’t have this issue, love my MIL]
What’s the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. [what, is that weird? ed.]
What’s the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
What was the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
Plastic one, dangerous for children to play with, the other is used to carry groceries.
Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
How do you double the value of a Kia?
You fill it with gas.
Have you heard George Michael’s new song?
It’s called Zip Me Up Before You Go Go.
I walked in a bar the other day and ordered a double – The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.
What is forty foot long and has eight teeth?
The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.
Hey you all, if we don’t talk in the next couple days, have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Holiday, or (choose your holiday here) ?