Scooter Claus

Scooter Claus – No Sleigh!

Santa Scoots, or Scooter Claus. My how things have changed…

Scooter Claus
Scooter Claus

 

Scooter Claus got his name as a child. Growing up at the North Pole, Scooter was a lonely boy with no one but the random and seldom visiting elf to play with. One of his favorite things to do was to imitate the family dog and scoot his butt on the bear skin rug in front of the fireplace, much to the mixed laughter and dismay of his folks, Billy Bob and Ethel Claus. Their child, Cletus Claus, thus earned the nickname Scooter, a name that stuck with him only among family and very close friends, the rest of the world knowing him as Santa Claus. Here is a rare picture of Scooter Claus mocking his nickname by riding his namesake.

Santa Ouch

Santa Ouch OOOOF!

HO HO HO, MERRY OOOOF! Santa ouch.

Santa Ouch
Santa Ouch

 

Santa was just cruising along, minding his own business when he suffered a rare Santa ouch. I don’t know what airline this is, but what a great sense of humor! I’d fly them, unless they, you know, make a habit of flying into things. Painting the nose cone of an airplane is tricky business, a special paint has to be used so as not to interfere with the radar that is housed behind that nose cover, which means the airline went to some expense to paint this on their plane. By the plane’s colors I’d say it’s likely to be a Lufthansa plane. I think that;s the colors of their livery.

More Disturbing Santa

More Disturbing Santa Flashing

More Disturbing Santa
More Disturbing Santa

Santa is disturbing sometimes, but this isn’t all that surprising. I’ll bet this happens in some large cities, like New York, Hollywood on the strip, more often than people realize or care to know. I mean, there truly are a lot of whack jobs out and about, pun unintended, and the more you concentrate people into one area the more there seems to be, but that’s probably only because there’s a higher degree of certainty they’ll be seen doing their weird stuff. Out on the farm with the neighbors a mile away Zeke the Redneck can flash the cows all day long in a Santa costume, and who’s going to know, but he moves to the big city and all bets are off. In other words, we humans are a strange lot.

Hat Carrot Coal

Hat Carrot Coal

Hat Carrot Coal
Hat Carrot Coal

That’s all that is left of Frosty the Snowman at Santa’s annual Christmas bash, hat carrot coal. Good times for all but Frosty. Seemed like such a good idea at the time, a hot tub party, but Frosty ought to have known better. He’d probably had way too much egg nog, although immediately after there were whispers that Frosty had been down on his luck lately after having been dumped by a Frostette the Snowlady. The cold, heartless bitch blew town with the Grinch, but little did she know that their destination was the Jamaica. Soon after landing, whatever of Frostette wasn’t already liquefied was served as snow cones to the children. Frosty hadn’t been the same since.

Christmas Fail

Burning Santa Christmas Fail

I really don’t think I need to tell you why this is a Christmas fail, unless, of course, your culture celebrates giant burning inflatable Santa’s!

Christmas Fail

This fail, which is actually a defining Christmas fail, but sad too. Look at Frosty at the bottom, doesn’t he remind you of the little girl in the memes that show a house burning in the background? He’s all smiling big. Puzzling, I have no idea why anyone would want to construct a Santa this big to begin with. The giant burning Santa obviously has an inner framework structure, it isn’t just a balloon. This was apparently in Santa Catarina, Brazil a few years ago. Undoubtedly this occurring would have traumatized any children seeing it. Santa and Burning Man combined into one event?

You know, I never thought of Santa as a hot-head.

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Fat Judgmental Bastard

Fat Judgmental Bastard

Fat Judgmental Bastard Santa
Fat Judgmental Bastard

Funny Christmas Cartoon image of a little girl yelling at Santa the fat judgmental bastard Santa to stop judging her. Lump of coal for you, young lady, in perpetuity. She may have been better of waiting to come until after he placed the goodies under the tree. You know, this cartoon speaks a lot about kids, and people in general today, the whole “don’t judge me” nonsense.  There’s a reason we’re endowed with the ability to reason, to determine good from bad, and must use sound judgement. Dropping the kids off and the caretaker is drunk? Don’t judge? Oh hell no.

Divinyls Santa

Divinyls Santa

Divinyls Santa
Divinyls Santa

Divinyls Santa sings. “I don’t want, anybody else. When I think about you, I touch my elf, oh oh oh”… Ah lyrics changing Santa, you funnyman you. My guess is this has been going on, sporadically, for decades judging by the elf who is clearly irritated and over the humor of it. This of course make me wonder how many other versions he has made of. When I think about pooh? Anyhow, funny cartoon. Hey, is it just me or does that drum look cheesy and cheap, like a 99 cent store item?

Disturbing Santa

Disturbing Santa

Disturbing Santa
Disturbing Santa

There are few things that are more wrong for Christmas than the image of Disturbing Santa. How many ways is this wrong? Lets start by looking at this scene through the eyes of little Billy. A million Santas in one place, suspicious, wavering belief in Santa begins. Budweiser can in hand, though it is the right color for Christmas, Billy thinks, “Why that’s just what daddy holds before he fights with mommy!” Open frock coat, ah Santa, that ought never happen, and you, OMG! Loin cloth Santa? And a freaky loin cloth at that? AND you obviously did a little manscaping downstairs too? What’s with the backpack? Where ya going Santa? And lastly, the look on Santas face. It looks like drinking, half naked, freshly shaved, loin cloth wearing, back packing Santa is mad dogging someone else, meaning a possible disturbing Santa fight!

Crack Kills

Crack Kills

Crack Kills
Crack Kills

Hey Santa, hasn’t anyone told you that crack kills? So Santa sees you when you’re sleeping, knows if you’ve been bad or good, but doesn’t know he sat on an elf that’s now wedged in his butt? How fat is Santa anyway? He can’t sense the elf because the elf is long dead, but another question, Santa’s placing four missing signs, yeah? Who but Santa and the elves that live with him alone at the north pole (some kinky stuff going on there, ya think?) would even see these signs? Ah, I see, Santa knows, yes he does, and he’s covering his tracks.

Santa Christmas Extortion

Christmas Extortion

Funny Christmas Extortion
Funny Christmas Extortion

 

Funny Christmas Extortion, 3 words one does not ordinary see together, a cartoon depicting Santa drinking milk while reading a note that says the milk is poisoned, so he better leave a bike if he wants the antidote. Bet the little brat would do that regardless if he knew Santa was really mom or dad. Another sure bet, the kid gets the bike and Santa no longer drinks milk at this house. Last sure bet, Santa arranges for a squad ESF, Elf Special Forces, to return and take the bike back, replacing it with a box of razor blades, coal and ugly Christmas sweaters.