AKA “sit to pee Santa”. He probably drives a red Prius too…
Why Santa Never Shaves
This Poopourri commercial is one of the funniest things I have seen in a while.
You gotta love this, I do, and timely too, lol! How many times has Santa got himself in a pickle after too much cookies and milk? Plenty, I’m sure, lol The Poopourri commercial touts a real commercial product that, thanks to this inventive and creative commercial, many a stinks, including my own hopefully, will be squelched.
The first time I saw any of these commercials I laughed myself off my chair. Then I became aware of this product line and thought, yeah, that’s pure genius! Everyone poops, because everyone eats, and most people are self conscious about leaving a foul stench behind (I’m not), so it is brilliant! Solving a problem with us since forever.
Yep, years later he was still on the go, even without his youthful vigor. Timeless as all get-out, Santa is. For comparison, Redneck Santa, the Early Years is included too.
Redneck Santa The Later Years shows the effects of hard north pole living, despite the pampering he gets from Mrs. Claus. In the south it’s beer and lotto tickets for everyone, which is timelessly classic, because it is redneck practical. Who doesn’t love beer, and who doesn’t love a chance at millions of dollars? And neither costs an arm and a leg. Redneck Santa, of course, has long lost his yellow shades, but he has definitely kept his sense of style.
Bet you didn’t know Santa was a son of the south. Yep, he’s redneck Santa, and now you know. How else do you think he’s creativ enough to get in your house?
Redneck Santa The Early Years, back when he was fit and trim, back before Mrs. Claus and elf pot pie, candies yams, fruitcake (yes, Santa’s the only person on earth who actually like fruitcake). Some may accuse Santa of looking at the world through rose color lenses, but here we can see that is not true, photos never lie. He sees it through yellow lenses. As you can see Santa also invented the modern mini cooper too.
Somebody asked me what Santa does the rest of the year. I jokingly said he smokes crack, beats the wife, then rapes the elves, and that’s just the first day. Yeah, I know, coal for me this year. Here is the real answer by the way, and I don’t blame him a bit.
However that doesn’t mean he does not do those things, the cranky, judgmental old fat bastard. Then he goes invisible and lopes around searching for some girls gone wild action, maybe then a little sports fishing, followed by mugging some homeless folks. Well, he had to do something normal, like sports fishing. By the way, that glass he’s holding? Fresh squeezed iced elf bladder. Pee, in other words.
Too much information Santa, sheesh. TMI Santa grosses out even the goldfish on the table with his thongs undies. I’m not sure if Santa routinely wears such things, or if he got them by mistake at one of the naughty girls houses. Maybe the wash didn’t get done, so he borrowed a pair of Mrs. Claus’s unmentionables. Either way, cool it fat boy. you’re on time out. We all understand that you like to feel pretty from time to time, but save it for when you’re at home, okay? Freakin weirdo from up north.
Santa gets lucky? you bet he does. Does Mrs. Claus have reason to worry about Santa straying, working hard to keep him sated? you bet she does. Remember, Santa knows where all the naughty girls live. It looks like Santa and Mrs. Claus are working their trusty mining claim once again, Rudolph and at least one elf put to work. Mrs. Claus, the little kinkster, is younger and better endowed than I would have guessed, but then again this is a cartoon. See, in another post I told you Santa’s real name is Cletus, at heart he is a redneck.
Rudolph crashes while texting and driving. Technically it would be Santa who was texting, as he’s the only one with thumbs, and he was driving. All fun in the cartoon, but texting and driving is a serious problem today. When the word “driving” is used, the only “and” that ought to be included is “driving”. Driving and driving. Not eating, drinking, drugging, texting, phoning, nothing. Just friggin drive! How many lives have to be lost to this idiotic behavior before people get it? Kids, they think they are indestructible and largely infallible, like all of us did as kids, but the numbers overwhelmingly show that this is a dangerous behavior.
Christmas was almost delayed
…but Santa had foresight, and brought Stanley the Spare along. Stanley Saves The Day after having been the spare reindeer for so long, he got the chance to shine, and he shone bright, for just that night. Don’t ever be dismayed at being the back up, because when the time comes and you save the day people will realize that they couldn’t have done it without you. That’s how critical you are, now go, demand that raise!