The springtime air is usually filled with the scent of lilies and the sound of soft hopping. However, if you head deep into the woods, you might encounter a redneck rabbit who has different plans for the season. This local legend has replaced his carrot juice with something much stronger from a copper still. He sits against a tree stump with a look of pure defiance in his eyes. Furthermore, he is currently enjoying a hand-rolled smoke that definitely did not come from a garden center. It is quite clear that the Easter Bunny has some very serious competition this year. Specifically, this long-eared rebel is proving that life in the hollow is a lot rowdier than the storybooks suggest.
Consequently, the local wildlife committee is in a state of total and utter shock. The squirrels are hiding their nuts, and the birds have stopped chirping to watch the show. This particular redneck rabbit has a starter pack that would make a city bunny faint. For instance, he carries a plastic water pipe and a bag of “herbal” greens that are certainly not parsley. He is leaning back as if he owns the entire forest floor. Therefore, we should probably give him a wide berth when we are out for our morning stroll. He looks like he has a lot of opinions about the current state of the carrot economy.
Gut Bustin’ Games Redneck Life Board Game <-Amazon Associates Link
The Redneck Rabbit Weekend Survival Guide
Living in the wild requires a very specific set of skills and a very sturdy stump. Our furry friend has mastered the art of relaxation despite the lack of a proper living room. He has a list of objectives that would keep any woodland creature busy for a month. First, he needs to find a working freezer, mostly to keep his bait fresh for the afternoon. Similarly, he spends a great deal of time confusing the traditional holiday crowds. They expect a fluffy mascot, but they get a rabbit who knows how to fix a tractor. It is a massive misunderstanding of the species that he finds quite amusing.
Moreover, he is a true master of the “overall-style” fashion trend. He knows that wearing only one strap is the key to true southern comfort and mobility. This allows him to reach for his moonshine without any unnecessary restriction. He is also on a constant quest to find a radio station that actually gets a signal in the valley. In fact, he spends hours propping up his stump pile with old tires to improve his reception. These are the struggles of a redneck rabbit who just wants to hear some good bluegrass. Life is not all jellybeans and colorful eggs when you have a backyard playground made of rubber.
Moonshine and Hops in the Hollow
The beverage of choice in this part of the woods is not water from a babbling brook. Our hero prefers a bottle of moonshine that could probably power a small lawnmower. He takes just a small sip to keep his whiskers twitching through the long afternoon. Meanwhile, he is busy rolling his own “hops” using multiple-use techniques. This rabbit does not follow the standard rules of foraging for food. Instead, he prefers the finer things that can be found in a well-stocked barnyard baggie. It is a lifestyle that requires a lot of naps and a very relaxed attitude.
Consequently, the other rabbits in the meadow are starting to feel a bit inadequate. They are out there eating clover while he is contemplating the mysteries of the universe. He sits there with a lit smoke, looking like he just stepped out of a gritty woodland movie. Therefore, the neighbors have started calling him the “Grandmaster of the Grassland.” He does not mind the title as long as they stay away from his favorite stump. Indeed, privacy is very important when you are trying to master the art of the midday snooze. Specifically, he needs quiet time to plan his next big prank on the local garden club.
@richkaminsky Say you are from SC #southcarolina #redneck #rabbit #funny
Why the Redneck Rabbit Rules the Woods
Some people think that being a holiday mascot is the highest honor for a bunny. This rabbit disagrees because he prefers the freedom of the open trail. He does not have to worry about hiding eggs or wearing itchy pink ribbons. In contrast, he can spend his days discovering new ways to use a single old tire. He is a pioneer of the DIY movement in the animal kingdom. For example, he has turned his entire area into a “backyard playground” for one. It is a simple life, but it is one that he defends with every fiber of his being.
He is also a very vocal critic of the traditional Easter bunny narrative. He believes that the whole concept is a bit soft for a real woodland survivor. Therefore, his motto is likely something about keeping it real and keeping it loud. He wants the world to know that bunnies can be tough and independent thinkers. Similarly, he wants everyone to know that his plastic water pipe is a masterwork of engineering. It is truly a sight to behold for anyone lucky enough to find his secret camp. However, you should probably bring your own snacks if you plan on visiting. He is not known for sharing his herbal baggie with strangers.
The Legendary Stump Pile Sitter
Finding a good place to sit is the most important part of a rabbit’s day. This legend has found a stump that is perfectly contoured to his fuzzy backside. He leans against it with the confidence of a king sitting on a golden throne. Furthermore, he has reinforced the area with logs to ensure total stability. This allows him to focus on the more important things in life, like his next drink. He is a philosopher of the forest who understands the value of a good leaning post. In addition, the smoke from his cigarette provides a nice atmospheric haze for his deep thoughts.
We can all learn a lesson from this relaxed rebel in the tall grass. Life moves pretty fast, so you might as well take a seat and enjoy the view. Do not worry about the expectations of the public or the pressure of being a mascot. Just find yourself a bottle of moonshine and a nice plastic pipe to pass the time. It is the redneck rabbit way of life, and it seems to be working out great. He is the happiest creature in the woods, and he has the tires to prove it. Clearly, he is living his best life while the rest of the world is busy hunting for eggs.
Final Thoughts on the Long-Eared Legend
The sun is setting over the hollow, but our friend is not going anywhere. He has his radio, his one-strap overalls, and a fresh bag of barnyard greens. The world can keep its chocolate and its fancy baskets for the time being. He is perfectly content to sit by his logs and watch the fireflies dance. Consequently, we should all raise a glass (or a bottle) to the toughest bunny in the brush. He is a true original who refuses to fit into a tiny holiday box. Therefore, the next time you see a rabbit, check for a cigarette and a plastic pipe. You might just be in the presence of greatness.
Follow us!
For more good stuff like the funny redneck rabbit post, follow us on Facebookand Friendslrand Twitter for new stuff nearly every day! Or, right here on Laughshop.com, or course. However, we’re so old we even have a MySpace page!
Visit Bucky’s Amazon store front!
More Laughshop Mayhem
The forest is full of rebels, and the barnyard is just as crazy! If you think this long-eared legend is wild, you haven’t seen our “Chopped Liver” hen or the dog who thinks he’s a biological egg factory. Join now and share the madness before the rabbit drinks all the moonshine! Click here to enter the hall of holiday fails and woodland wonders.
