Redneck Security System

Redneck Security System

Redneck Security System
Redneck Security System

I can’t imagine a more effective redneck security system than this. Of course the dogs wouldn’t always stay there, so that entrance wouldn’t always secure, and besides, there have to be other ways in, right? So maybe the dogs rotate around to other parts, or maybe there’s even more redneck dogs?
I have actually run across this situation a few times, and it is a major deterrent to approaching the front door, let alone the property itself! At least these hounds are visible. I have had to walk onto properties in the course of an old job I had only to find one or more large dogs running free as a complete surprise to both me and them. I was lucky to not have been bitten, or worse, mauled. They key was not panicking, and not running, so remember that y’all!

Redneck dream home

Redneck dream home

Redneck dream home image, a converted holding tank.
Redneck Dream Home

I can see why one might be skeptical about this being a redneck dream home, after all, they are partial to mobile homes, right? Not so fast. This here domicile has a deck and an awning, like a mobile home. Not only that but it is sided in metal, like a mobile home, but there the similarities end. This is a circular former holding tank, like one used for oil or water, so I’m hoping they cleaned it out really good. Ir being circular means there will be big challenges within furnishing the structure, be it with sofas or kitchen counters and cabinets which are traditionally rectangular, but what redneck doesn’t love a challenge in creative thinking? Lastly this redneck dream home can probably be turned onto it’s side and rolled to a new location if need be. Try that with a mobile home!

Redneck Weekend

Redneck Weekend

Redneck Weekend
Redneck Weekend

It’s a redneck weekend, relax, drink a beer, talk on the cordless phone, take a crap on your back porch, whatever. This may be the ultimate epic redneck weekend picture of all time. My guess is that the picture was staged, but you know, if you have a toilet on your back porch then it is entirely possible that you’d get caught cleaving a loaf on it whilst chilling out. sort of brings a new meaning to the great outdoors I guess.
The funny thing is the folks who will see this picture and think “Yeah, so? I don’t see anything unusual.” that is when you know for sure you are dealing with a true full blooded redneck!

Redneck Limo

Redneck Limo

Redneck Limo
Redneck Limo

You know something, I’m not a redneck, close but not quite, and I’d ride in this redneck limo no question. What’s not to love? It can go anywhere, over anything, and one of a limo’s first jobs is to get you where you want to go, and be as noticeable about it as possible. Deny it if you want, but if one didn’t want to be noticed while being driven somewhere, a taxi or a town car works just fine. Oh sure, comfort figures in too, and the redneck limo probably has too stiff a ride to sip scotch in the back seat, but that’s why God invented sippy cups. Speaking of comfort, getting in and out could be a problem, especially in your tuxedo or prom dress. Suck it up buttercup, style rarely has anything to do with comfort. If it sis tuxedos would look and feel like sweats, or overalls, and top hats would yield to CAT caps.

Friends Set In Tennessee

Friends set in Tennessee

Friends Set In Tennessee
Friends Set In Tennessee

Friends was set in New York City, at the characters apartments as well as at the coffee shop Central Perk (what a damned clever name!). Friends was iconic in so many ways. Story lines, the characters and situations made the show so very memorable.
However, what if the show had been set elsewhere? Say in the south, in a place like Tennessee? How much different would Friends have been with rednecks as the cast? How different would the story lines, the cast professions, the humor have been? Tennessee Friends, yes the idea is growing on me…
Sure, Monica Geller would still be a chef, erm, or caterer, or cook, whatever, at some diner, serving up her famous Kraft Mac and Cheese.
Phoebe would still be odd, but probably more in an Ellie May Clampett / Annie Oakley sort of way, “rastlin bears” and getting into blindfolded shooting contests. “Now y’all watch this. Hold my beer, k?”
Joey, well, he’d work as a postman, creeping on peoples houses with his trademark “How y’all doing,” and he’d moonlight as an aspiring Nashville star.
Ross, would be the gay auto mechanic, lovelorn, pining for Chandler.
Rachel, she’d work the hilariously filthy local dive bar come titty bar. It’s not really a titty bar, but. well, once in a while the girls just gotta let loose. Love that part.
That leaves Chandler, the Sheriff’s deputy. “Spit-ding. Ah hell, got it on my shirt again!” His love interest would of course be Janice, the way-too-much-make-up-worn-out-around-the-block-25,000-times bar fly. Her tag line would be “Oh Dear Lord, Chandler, Chandler Bing…”
And Central Perk? Fogettabouit, that would be something like The Well, or maybe The Wishing Well. And naturally at least once an episode one of the characters would wish to God they’d have a change of fortune, that would in some way turn out to be ironic. It’s be like Andy Griffith Show meets Mama’s Family.
You know something, I’d watch that show. Hey, producers, have your people call my people, we’ll do lunch.
“I’ll be there for y’all…”
Oh, and you Tennessee folks getting all riled up, I love the south. My family springs from the south. Just not from Tennessee…

Good News

Good News

Good News not pregnant image
Good News

Good news, the rabbit lived! Waking up in a pool of blood is normally a bad thing, vampires excepted. This is a cartoon of a lady waking up in bed to a grisly scene with her bedding, floor, walls spattered in blood, not normally funny in any way. However, as discovered in the lower pane it is because she has received her monthly visitor, meaning that she is not pregnant. That is what makes this cartoon funny. In a way it is sort of a good news / bad news scenario, one that I’m sure many women have faced, although not in this much exaggerated detail. However I’m thinking that any lady who is stressed over the possibility of being pregnant can relate to this.
By the way there are many more images and stuff on the site, so browse away, and if you have anything humorous you’d like to submit, by all means do!

Dumb Guy Meme

Dumb Guy Meme

“…and this, children, is why you do not use drugs…”

Dumb Guy Meme
Dumb Guy Meme

In this dumb guy meme, apparently this guy tried to rob a bank after having paid $500 to a “wizard” to make him invisible. I see the logic, I really do. I’d think about doing the same thing if I could be invisible, for a little while anyway, which brings up the first questionable thinking. What if you had all this money and you were still invisible? Wouldn’t that make it hard to spend the money? And carrying the visible money around, wouldn’t that make you, or at least it, visible? Pile of money just floating around to and fro for no good reason is highly suspicious.
Oh, and they spelled “Hemet ” wrong….
Ok, so his plan was to rob the bank. Would he then go back to said “wizard” and pay to be made visible again? What’s to stop the wizard from demanding all the stolen money in exchange for restored visibility? Further, if the wizard had the power to make you invisible, why would he take your $500 rather than simply manifest $200,000,000 whenever he wanted to? Alright, I suppose there are some sort of wizard rules, right?
So the knucklehead goes into the bank and starts grabbing money out of peoples hands. Think here, you’re invisible, you could simply walk into the vault and take what you want. Oh yes, that’s right, the money is still visible.
Last note on the dumb guy meme. It supposedly happened in Tehran, which is in Iran. The guy pictured in the meme does not appear to be Iranian. In fact in a nation like Iran I doubt he would have lived after such an event, and find it even more unlikely a meme with his picture would have escaped that nation onto the web as a meme, so thinking it through I’m calling BS.

Smell this

Hey, smell this

No thanks. Why don’t you smell this? Sometimes even spell check (smell check?) can’t save you!

Smell this
Smell this

Wow, yes, there’s a big difference between the smell of cologne and a colon. Seriously. If you can smell his or her colon there’s either a hygiene problem or a medical condition that needs to be addressed. Further, if you enjoy smelling his or her colon (and I have no doubt there are people into that), then perhaps you need to seek professional help. And by professional help I mean seeing a shrink. So if someone walks up to you and asked you to “smell this,” be prepared. If it’s funky it may not be cologne.

What redneck lotto winners buy

Redneck lotto winners buy

redneck lotto winners buy
redneck lotto winners buy

What do redneck lotto winners buy? I’d guess a beer factory would lead the list, impractical as that may seem (super practical if you’re a redneck), but somewhere on down the line you’re likely to find a purchase like this. Maybe I’m being unfair to redneck lotto winners, maybe this guy is a chauffeur (spelled Chofer here in banjoland), but then again maybe not. This could well be the town mayor and his ride. Or maybe the governor of some impoverished state, like California. Or maybe a senator is visiting his mistress for some much needed lovin, after all these cousins ain’t made whoopee since the last family reunion. At any rate, there’s a reason rednecks get the shaft, and an image like this doesn’t help.

Septic Sign

Septic Sign

Septic Sign
Septic Sign

The septic sign on this truck says “Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels,” a fun pun on the whole Meals on Wheels program that brings food to those who need it brought to them. Then these folks suck it up from the septic tanks. Thank God it’s not tomorrow’s meals on wheels!
I’ve seen a few signs painted on the back of septic pumpers, and many of them point to the fact that these folks have a great sense of humor. I guess you’d have to in this line of work, putting up with people’s sh*t all day every day. I’d be pissed off. Ok, enough puns, right?