Nose job for Frosty

Nose job for Frosty

Nose job for Frosty
Nose job for Frosty

Nose job for Frosty? Poor mom, lol, how mortifying! I really don’t have anything to add aside from asking how come cartoon snowmen are always perfect and pristine, but real snowmen are all funky looking with dirt and rocks mixed in with the snow? And the thing from mom’s drawer, maybe that’s a, mmm, a lava lamp, yeah, that’s it, lava lamp. With batteries. And it shakes but gives off no light. Danged Chinese goods anymore. So what, does she wait until the kids go away on their next adventure then retrieve it? And does she put in back in her drawer, or does she put it in a bag, bury it deep in the trash then tell the boys when they ask that someone must have stolen it? The places my mind goes.

Fat Judgmental Bastard

Fat Judgmental Bastard

Fat Judgmental Bastard Santa
Fat Judgmental Bastard

Funny Christmas Cartoon image of a little girl yelling at Santa the fat judgmental bastard Santa to stop judging her. Lump of coal for you, young lady, in perpetuity. She may have been better of waiting to come until after he placed the goodies under the tree. You know, this cartoon speaks a lot about kids, and people in general today, the whole “don’t judge me” nonsense.  There’s a reason we’re endowed with the ability to reason, to determine good from bad, and must use sound judgement. Dropping the kids off and the caretaker is drunk? Don’t judge? Oh hell no.

Divinyls Santa

Divinyls Santa

Divinyls Santa
Divinyls Santa

Divinyls Santa sings. “I don’t want, anybody else. When I think about you, I touch my elf, oh oh oh”… Ah lyrics changing Santa, you funnyman you. My guess is this has been going on, sporadically, for decades judging by the elf who is clearly irritated and over the humor of it. This of course make me wonder how many other versions he has made of. When I think about pooh? Anyhow, funny cartoon. Hey, is it just me or does that drum look cheesy and cheap, like a 99 cent store item?

Disturbing Santa

Disturbing Santa

Disturbing Santa
Disturbing Santa

There are few things that are more wrong for Christmas than the image of Disturbing Santa. How many ways is this wrong? Lets start by looking at this scene through the eyes of little Billy. A million Santas in one place, suspicious, wavering belief in Santa begins. Budweiser can in hand, though it is the right color for Christmas, Billy thinks, “Why that’s just what daddy holds before he fights with mommy!” Open frock coat, ah Santa, that ought never happen, and you, OMG! Loin cloth Santa? And a freaky loin cloth at that? AND you obviously did a little manscaping downstairs too? What’s with the backpack? Where ya going Santa? And lastly, the look on Santas face. It looks like drinking, half naked, freshly shaved, loin cloth wearing, back packing Santa is mad dogging someone else, meaning a possible disturbing Santa fight!

Crack Kills

Crack Kills

Crack Kills
Crack Kills

Hey Santa, hasn’t anyone told you that crack kills? So Santa sees you when you’re sleeping, knows if you’ve been bad or good, but doesn’t know he sat on an elf that’s now wedged in his butt? How fat is Santa anyway? He can’t sense the elf because the elf is long dead, but another question, Santa’s placing four missing signs, yeah? Who but Santa and the elves that live with him alone at the north pole (some kinky stuff going on there, ya think?) would even see these signs? Ah, I see, Santa knows, yes he does, and he’s covering his tracks.

Correct Fruitcake

That’s right fruitcake

Correct Fruitcake
Correct Fruitcake

Correct Fruitcake, nobody likes you. Nobody. It’s not cake, it’s more like dense, disgusting bread. That is not fruit, but some sort of chewy, weird facsimile of fruit. Growing up we used to receive a fruitcake every year from a relative, and I tried, I honestly tried to like it. I’m a kid, always hungry, its name says fruit, like, cake, love, I’m on it, every year. And every year I’t take a bit, chew, swallow, throw out the rest of the slice and eat something else. Nobody in the house ever tried as much as I did. No, fruitcake, nobody like you, nobody ever has, nobody ever will. Fruitcake is like a passive aggressive gift, simple as that.

Every Where I Go Grumpy Cat

Grumpy Cat – It’s Beginning to Look…

Every Where I Go Grumpy Cat
Every Where I Go Grumpy Cat

Every Where I Go Grumpy Cat is Grumpy. Here he is (not) caroling, as grumpy cat does. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas becomes something else. Grumpy cat has been a legend on the internet for a while now, and there’s no sign of him going away, so embrace your own grumpy side and join in singing. Grumpy cats name is Tard, by the way, in case you didn’t know that, and tard was discovered and photographed by a family member, posted, and boom, celebrity cat. Okay, I got my grumpy on, Get Off My Lawn! Feels good.

Christmas Stirring

Christmas Stirring

Christmas Stirring
Christmas Stirring

 

Funny Christmas stirring cartoon, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Scratch that, the danged mouse was stirring. A spoof of the poem Twas the Night Before Christmas a poem first published anonymously in 1823, this shows a mouse with a spoon in coffee, or tea, or maybe hot chocolate, stirring away, because we all know how much mice love their hot beverages on Christmas eve! Rascals that they are, he goes and screws up over 150 years of tradition, and then wonders why we all hate mice! That’s it pal, get your stuff and family and get out!

Robin Laid An Egg

Robin Laid An Egg

Robin Laid An Egg meme

Robin Laid An Egg
Robin Laid An Egg

Poor robin, always getting slapped around by Batman, you gotta feel sorry for him, but he stays in the relationship. “but he always buys me nice gifts and says he’s sorry.” Yeah Robin, or Dick Grayson, skip the r, you keep telling yourself that. Here he makes an epic blunder to a fed up Batman around Christmas time, slipping and singing the Batman Smells version of Jingle Bells, paying for with a left slap to the face. Should have waited until the big guy had his morning coffee and at least read the fashion section of the Gotham Gazette.  Robin laid an egg here, but at the end of the day it just means he’ll get some nice trinket, or maybe a new car, no bigs.

Jingle Bells Batman Smells

Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, Batman smells…

Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells Batman smells

…Robin laid an egg, the bat mobile, lost a wheel and the joker got away, hey! Picture of Batman with the caption “I don’t care what the song say, I don’t smell. Poor emo Batman smells. You know the alternate words, we all sung them at some point in place of the regular Jingle Bells lyrics. Poor Batman, he must have heard it so many times that he has developed a complex of sorts. Sneak a sniff whenever he can, the pits, his breath. The man wears a rubber suit, modern day incarnation anyway, so of course he smells! Just that Alfred’s to polite to mention it save for when it’s eye wateringly bad, and Robin, well, Robin likes it, gives him a pudgy, the dank locker room odor.