Awkward Christmas Family Pose

Awkward Family Christmas

Awkward Christmas Family Pose
Awkward Christmas Family Pose

I would definitely call this an awkward Christmas family pose. This is another of those “We’re sending you a picture of the fam with the Christmas Card, Hello!” type pictures. Dad, shock, mom, “eeeeeee!”, left kids, gleeful surprise, middle bottom kid, crapping his jammies, right kid, Slingblade, the early years. Yep, I’d be delighted to do a picture like this. Not. Nice tree though. They’ll fondly remember this pic forever, and they rightly should. Year go past so fast, Christmases fly by. Remember how long they took to get here as kids? Now, boom, how’d that happen?

Awkward Christmas Presents

Awkward Christmas Presents

Awkward Christmas Presents
Awkward Christmas Presents

Awkward Christmas Presents to be sure. At least they’re alive and cheerful, not like the Hannibal Lechter household where, well, the items in the boxes are decidedly less lively. I get that this is a Christmas picture that’s probably used to send with a card to distant family members and maybe friends, but call me crass, but doesn’t also sort of say “We’re arrogant and self important, but most importantly we’re cheap asses, so hey, we’re your gift!” Naw, that can’t be it. And besides, they probably sent a couple hundred dollar bills with the card and picture, right?

Seeking Santa

Seeking Santa

Seeking Santa
Seeking Santa

Seeking Santa? Santa’s dead, Billy. Deal with it. What a cold blooded thing to say, but even more cold blooded to do to the poor kid. Now I’m 90% certain this picture is a fake. I mean, I can think of no reason why someone would create a Santa Claus headstone, for starters. And make one for a fictional character too. Oh, I meant to real, yes Billy, Santa’s real. Ok, moving on, the dates, why again? I’m thinking little Billy is maybe crying over grandma, and somebody photoshopped the headstone to say Santa Claus. It’s funny though, but I still feel bad for Billy, any time a child cries like that is not funny, except when it’s over Santa.

Awkward Redneck Family Christmas Photo

These rednecks at Christmas – Mama’s Family?

Awkward Redneck Family Christmas Photo
Awkward Redneck Family Christmas Photo

Right, so if this awkward redneck family Christmas photo doesn’t give you the willies, then something is wrong with you, you’re clearly not human. There is almost nothing right about this picture, it’s the stuff nightmares filled with boogie men are made out of. Creepy dude with the elf doll, princess pajamas wearing eyebrows…person? Shiny teeth guy, these are all like something out of the TV show Momma’s Family from Hell. Now bald guy looks normal, but I’m sure that’s only because the view is blocked of his eight tentacle legs, and bearded guy, he looks okay… for an eleven foot tall man. What, did they canvass  all of Appalachia for these folks? Or is it all just a put on, maybe a cast auditioning for a TV show? Or maybe Angus Scrimm worked his magic on these folks.

Redneck Christmas Greetings

Redneck Christmas Greetings

Redneck Christmas Greetings
Redneck Christmas Greetings

Redneck Christmas Greetings is the title, but there is so much wrong in this photo that I cannot find much of anything right in it to talk about. All yin, no yang. So, snow. In the south. It happens, I get it, but it’s not the norm so I’d imagine the vast majority of rednecks would stay indoors freezing their butts off. In swimsuits. See point above. Wearing sunglasses. At a pond, in the snow. The man is tubing in the cold pont, the lady lounging on the side as if it’s summer, and the boy is standing at the side, clearly cold, but the man and the lady look like there’s nothing unusual at all. up. Ah, one positive, they’re all wearing fur caps, Canadian style fur caps. Ah ha! That’s it! Canadian rednecks! Those are the only rednecks crazy enough to do something like this.

 

Redneck Dental Care

Redneck Dental Care

Redneck Dental Care
Redneck Dental Care

Ignore the fact that these two are obviously perfect for each other, what with the redneck dental care hallmarks, they simply are, but not because of bad redneck teeth, but because they are most likely wearing Billy Bob teeth, plastic inserts that are a spoof of redneck teeth. The lady, those could be genuine, but the man is almost definitely wearing the billy bobs, which means both probably are. I sell these, so I know the distinctive look. As much as you non rednecks, poor souls, would like to deride these folks as trash, they have actually pulled a fast one on you.

Ancient Chinese Torture

Ancient Chinese Torture Sent in by neatwrite A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. “I’m lost,” says the man. “Can you put me up for the night?” “Certainly”,’ the … Read more

Redneck Jokes

Redneck Jokes, issue 1 A collection of redneck jokes. Redneck and the Genie A redneck hit the jackpot when the old brass bottle he found in the back yard turned out to have a genie in it. Any three wishes he had would be granted, the genie informed him. “I wanna be rich,” said the redneck. … Read more

Burn Baby Burn Sign

Naked Fire Sign?

Burn Baby Burn Sign
Burn Baby Burn Sign

Burn baby burn sign. Translated signs can be funny as hell, because when it’s in your native tongue you wonder, “How did they not catch that? What were they thinking?” But when you consider that their language characters are so much different that they can not read them any more than we can read theirs, and that they mostly translated via computers, then the picture becomes clearer. It’s more a computer problem than a human issue. Some of the symbols they use could transl;ate to open fire, uncovered fire, or, well, naked, as in this case. We have a whole bunch of translation fails photos coming, by the way.

Tonight Show Fallon Timberlake Camp Winnipesaukee

Tonight Show Fallon Timberlake Camp Winnipesaukee

Tonight Show Fallon Timberlake Camp Winnipesaukee
Tonight Show Fallon Timberlake Camp Winnipesaukee

This is a funny skit in which Justin Timberlake joins Jimmy Fallon on stage as awkward teens away at camp. I really had my doubts about Fallon and the tonight show, being as I watched Carson, Leno, Conan, and Leno again, each a little less than the one before, but you know what? Jimmy Fallon has revitalized the show so much. Loved Leno, and he had his strong points, but I don’t think he ever matched Carson, yet Fallon has the chops to surpass the legendary Carson. Incredibly funny, fantastic talent. Yes, the Tonight Show is back as a force to be reckoned with. I pity the fool who takes over from Letterman.