Not Now Beer

Not Now Beer

Peeking around the corner of the computer again are you beer?

Not Now Beer
Not Now Beer

Not now beer! I’m trying to get things done! There’s a time for work, a time for studying, and a different time for beer, but sometimes beer just won’t take no for an answer and sneaks up on you unawares, the bastard. Be strong, be firm, and tell that beer no! Beer’s time will come, sooner or later.
You’ll notice it isn’t yogurt, nor granola, nor wine or anything thing else that is foo foo, but beer! Beer is bold, beer is slick, and beer’s been helping ugly people get laid for thousands of years.

Eat More Pizza

Eat More Pizza 🙂

Eat More Pizza
Eat More Pizza

Eat more pizza, eat even more of it, because fat people are harder to kidnap! Not that pizza makes you fat, but enough of anything will eventually make you harder to take. Hell, I can’t think of one good reason to NOT enjoy more pizza! There’s a saying coffee and pizza have in common. Even bad pizza is still pizza. Frozen pizza like Red Baron, DiGiorno, Tombstone, even Tony’s in a pinch will see you through. Seriously, it’s hard to go wrong with any of them. So call up your local joint, thick or thin crust, and order today. Just hold the anchovies. Seriously, that’s gross.

Voldemort laugh

Voldemort Laugh

A Voldemort laugh. He has his followers, but that’s about it.

Voldemort Laugh

Besides that, this Happy Potter character is also one ugly dude, sort of like cinema’s Pinhead. I’d be a cranky fellow if I looked remotely like that! Before coffee doesn’t count, everyone looks like Voldemort before coffee.

To be honest, I’ve seen all the characters, but I have yet to see on Potter film, nor read even a word from any of the books.

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Adolescence Sucks

Can you say adolescence sucks?

Adolescence Sucks
Adolescence Sucks

What is maybe worse is taking that same adolescent angst into adulthood. I know a lot of adults that still act like unhappy teenagers. Yes, adolescence sucks but it’s even worse when one gets older yet still clings to teenage values. Then again, if your self esteem is so low that you are that unhappy with yourself, want to be different, or taller, or hotter so that you fit in, or get some, the issues may be deeper seeded. In other words, be happy with who you are. You are unique for a reason, and that uniqueness can be found nowhere else. Cherish that uniqueness, own that bitch.

Redneck Thanksgiving

Redneck Thanksgiving

Redneck Thanksgiving Image
Redneck Thanksgiving

This is a Redneck Thanksgiving. My God, it looks so realistic, right down to the wife beaters and cigarette at the dinner table! In a Norman Rockwell style, this picture captures rednecks in turkey day action. Except for the KFC that is. However it could be a little more accurate. Where’s the PBR? (pabst blue ribbon). Oh, wait, there is one can of it. Anyway, happy thanksgiving, regardless of whether there are cars hidden in your tall grass out front or not. I hope it can be as fine as this one is for these good folks.

Small Redneck Houseboat

Small Redneck Houseboat

Small redneck houseboat picture
Small Redneck Houseboat

Small redneck houseboats. Yep, What did you think you’d get, something nice and modern? Cabin cruiser? A Yacht? Nope, Most rednecks are a practical bunch, usually by necessity, and this is a very practical solution to a difficult question. How to get on the water and stay on the water for an extended period in comfort. Boom, here you are, solved. Stay in the trailer downstairs at night, stow your gear, use the top for fishing, sightseeing. Meals inside, heck even make whoopee if the opportunity arises. This particular small redneck houseboat will definitely git ‘er done by anyones measure.

Grey Poupon

Grey Poupon

Grey Poupon
Grey Poupon

Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon? I like this stuff on some things, but usually I stick with the tried and true yellow mustard. But an ape asking for grey poupon is preposterous! What is he going to put it on, bananas? Yuk! Never mind that apes only talk in the movies… and my nightmares.
I actually found this ape image, without the text, on a fellow webmaster’s site as I was trying out his program. It was hidden in the profiles photos. To me, when I found it, it looks liked a friendly type chap, the type that may ask you for a favor or something. Something like mustard. And there you go.

Septic Milk

Septic Milk Tanker Truck

Mmmmm, if septic milk is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Septic Milk
Septic Milk

Who hasn’t dreamed of a tall frothy glass of septic milk? Bubbly, frosty, or sometimes warmed just before bedtime. Or maybe dunking cookies into on a hot summer day. Yes, septic milk is something I just can’t get enough of.
Seriously, these folks, the truck owner, has a serious wicked sense of humor. I’d love to sit down with them and have a beer, but not milk, no thank you. On the other hand let’s say that perhaps they DO haul milk on the weekends. Could be another set of truck, or maybe there some sort of super high tech way to clean a septic truck to the point where it can safely haul milk. Naaaaw, it has to be a joke! Right? Maybe, maybe not. That’s a lot like brewing gin in your toilet. You could, but why?

Selfie Dookie Fail

Selfie Dookie Fail

Ah gross! Beware the Selfie Dookie Fail!

Selfie Dookie Fail
Selfie Dookie Fail

Always be aware of your surroundings when shooting a selfie picture. And for crying out loud, LOOK at the picture before you post it! I have seen so many avoidable selfie fails that it boggles the mind!
Now it’s plain that she wanted to present an appealing picture to gain attention (she did) and probably make some guy want her, but the poo floating in the background is gross and, well, probably had a deflationary effect, if you will, on the intended recipient. Pretty sure not too many people would be all “Mmhmm, gonna get me some of that.” A few miscreants, yes, but most people would be all “yea