Redneck Dogs

Redneck Dogs

Redneck Dogs
Redneck Dogs

Is this that famous trio, Curly, Larry and Moe, the redneck dogs? I doubt it, more like Cletus, Zeke and Billy Bob, but whatever their names these guys are funny looking. I’m 99% sure the teeth were photoshopped into their gobs, as I have never seen dogs with teeth like these. A classic funny no matter though. “Them there dogs don’t hunt.” Well, if I were a dog with chompers like that I wouldn’t even go outside, so give these fellers their due. And you know what else, I’ll bet they hunt just fine, taking their pent up appearance angst out on everything that moves, then retiring in the evening for some lovin and moonshine.

Redneck Dog House

Redneck Dog House

Redneck Dog House
Redneck Dog House

This works as a redneck dog house, sure, but it is an afterthought, I’m pretty sure. The shell was stored, the table stored, so some redneck said “Why not? I’ll just open that there back and let the dogs use it as a dog house.” It looks like the dogs are using is intended as well.
Quick PSA here: If you have outdoors dogs have some sort of shelter for them. Rain, cold, snow, these can be unhealthy for your dogs at best, and lethal at worst when a dog has no shelter. Leaving your dog outside curled up on the concrete slab in weather is plain wrong, evil, inhumane. This contraption would work, but the wide opening at the bottom would do little to stop cold air from entering, but it is better than nothing at all. If you wouldn’t live in certain conditions, why would you make mans best friend live in them?

Redneck Dog

Redneck dog

What makes a good redneck dog? Not an easy answer, but we’ll break it down some.

Redneck Dog
Redneck Dog

First one has to understand that “Rednecks” really aren’t any particular ethnicity. Many will argue that point, saying rednecks are only white, live in the south, thump bibles, and are conservative. None of that is completely true, partially, but not completely. I have met various ethnicities of whom a sample could well be labeled rednecks.

There’s the caballero rednecks, some Asiatic folks I have met living a redneck lifestyle, not a lot, granted, and of course the prototypical redneck mentioned above. Hell, I even found a picture of a Swedish Redneck, complete with a wood burning stove in his Volvo!
What are the commonalities? One is they overwhelmingly tend to have at least one dog, a redneck dog, and usually more than one. Of course many also live in rural to semi rural areas, many farm the land.  Duct tape is their friend. In fact improvising is huge among them, and that, many times, involves duct tape.

Sure this fellow is, um, unusual looking, and that’s kind of the point, he’s a redneck dog. However most rednecks just have average, ordinary dogs, mutts, mixes, ranging from chihuahuas to blood hounds (that dog can hunt!) to pitbulls. However, most dogs belonging to rednecks tend to be the larger variety, for many reasons. Protection (why pay $40 a month for an alarm when I can pay $20 a month for dog food?). Companionship (come here baybe, come to papa. das right, snuggle right on up cheer).  Hunting (Go git er spot!). And breeding… Naw, that’s too easy a joke raght chair…
That’s not to say that any particular breed of dog HAS to be a redneck dog, nor can any particular dog be ruled out as a redneck dog, it is pretty free form.
I live in an area with a lot of rednecks and a lot of dogs, and you can always tell a redneck lives at any particular place a few different ways. One is the car on blocks in the tall grass, another is by his or her multiple loose running dogs in the (usually) fenced yard. But generally these dogs are well behaved, but will attack should a stranger come on the property up to no good.

You see, dogs are mans (and womans) best friend, and have been for thousands of years, so when you get right down to it, rednecks have a lot of best friends in their redneck dogs.

 

Redneck bath

Redneck Baby Bath Time

Redneck bath
Redneck bath

Not necessarily a redneck bath initially because a lot of babies are bathed in the kitchen sink when they are little, I was. But by and large most people take the DIRTY DISHES OUT FIRST! That’s how this gets labeled a redneck bath. What is that close at hand? Oh, a large knife handle, good thinking there y’all. Dig a bit deeper you can see a toaster on the water’s edge to the right, and a stack of dirty dished waiting to be washed on the right. So let me guess, the kid was washed in Dawn, the sink won’t be drained after and the bath water will be used to wash the rest of the dirty dishes, that sound about right?
Love the rubber ducky, nice touch, lol.

Funny Septic Truck Sign

Funny Septic Truck Sign

Funny Septic Truck Sign Stool Bus
Funny Septic Truck Sign

Funny Septic Truck Sign, wow, I would never have thought of this, what an imaginative sign! A play on words (school bus) while at the same time showing the owner’s lack of appreciation of higher learning that put him firmly behind the wheel of a septic tank pumping truck. I have heard the saying “I’m going to drop the kids off at the pool” as a metaphor for taking a dump, so in a way this sign furthers that frame of reference. Septic pumper owners and drivers really must have a wicked sense of humor. I think that may be a requirement, you need something to take away from the fact that you’re wallowing in poo all day. Morose sure wouldn’t cover it. I mean, you wake in the morning and you’re already in deep doo doo, you sure, you must have a coping mechanism. Also whenever they have to go, you know, do they feel like they are just making more work for themselves?

Redneck protester

Redneck protester

with a funny sign.

Redneck Protester Morans
Redneck Protester

I’m thinking the redneck protester may have his doo rag a little too tight. What he meant to says is Get a BRIAN, Morans. I mean if you’re going to go to the trouble to make a sign which reveals your innermost dummy, why not go whole hog, give all nine yards, exceed everybody’s expectations, no? One must work very hard to be this dumb. Maybe it’s the mullet that is impacting this guy, and how come no one at this thing told they guy “Hey Zeke, it’s morons, not morans”? It could be (but I highly doubt it) they they are protesting a company or a family names Moran? Naw, he meant morons…
Strike 1, the spelling. Strike 2, the mullet. Strike 3, the doo rag. You sir are out of here!

Redneck Rabbits

Redneck Rabbits

Redneck Rabbits
Redneck Rabbits

Redneck rabbits say “Eff the Easter Bunny, he ain’t nothin’!” Like human rednecks they tend to have a gazillion offspring, but at least you won’t catch the rabbit version with the whole gaggle dressed funny at Walmart. Yeah, you’ll catch them drinking and smoking in public but hey, don’t judge! Like most rednecks it’s not like they have to be at work in the morning, they’ll be busy foraging for food and drink, like Cheetos and PBR, so don’t you worry none ’bout them, they’ll be just fine. On another note has anyone seen this rabbit’s Caterpillar cap?

Redneck swimming pool

Redneck swimming pool

redneck swimming pool
Redneck Swimming Pool

You could easily call this redneck swimming pool a car pool, that kind of is what it is, but you have to hand it to these rednecks, they did what needed doing. I have done the same thing as a matter of fact, about 10 years ago, and it worked! Leaked like crazy, but it cooled us down!
What else are you going to do when it’s hot out and you don’t have a pool or air conditioning? Run in the dag blamed sprinklers? I’m pretty sure this is an old Ford Courier (made by Mazda for Ford) and if so it is handling this water weight pretty well. At 8 pounds per gallon, if there’s 100 gallons in there, well, you do the math.
The only problem I can see with this is if you ran out of beer and needed to run down to Piggly Wiggly for more, do you drain the pool? Ah, that’s what the Pathfinder in the background is for.

Redneck Wedding

Redneck Wedding

Redneck wedding picture, the groom in cut off sleeves, the catering twinkies, hohos and hostess cupcakes.
Redneck Wedding

At this redneck wedding the catering is suspect, but you know, I don’t have much of a problem with this, especially now that Twinkies, Ding Dongs, hostess cupcakes and HoHos are back. I love them all. Hmmm, do you suppose the HoHos has a passive aggressive meaning? Just below the Ding Dongs?
The clothes though, another story. This is a HUGE event, dress the part! If not for you and your future (or maybe present?) children, for your guests! The mullet? Bzzzzz! wrong answer. Mullets have always bothered me, “Business in the front, party in the rear!” Sounds like something a gigilo might say. Sleeveless jacket and torn jeans? Nope. The redneck dog though, the dog is a nice touch. Love the trailer in the background too, very much enhances the authenticity. And the girl, good for you, white dress and all!

Redneck Riding Lawnmower

Redneck Riding Lawnmower

Redneck Riding Lawnmower
Redneck Riding Lawnmower

This ain’t Gump or Slingblade, with both on this redneck riding lawnmower. You know both were rednecks, right? Gump, successful, accidentally or not, Slingblade, well, not so much.
On the other hand, these rednecks came up with a creative solution to a problem that needed solving. A dangerous solution, but isn’t that usually the case? Especially when you hear the phrase “Y’all watch this” or “Hold my beer.” Something untoward usually happens. On this, a blip of the throttle, or a jab of the brake and the lawnmowing guy could be seriously injured, so kids, do NOT try this at home! Or anywhere else for you literal folks.