True Redneck Christmas Display

True redneck Christmas display

True Redneck Christmas Display
True Redneck Christmas Display

True Redneck Christmas Display features a NASCAR vehicle, number seventeen, all lit up covered in Christmas lights. There are a lot of things that could qualify as a Christmas display by rednecks, but many of those could also be non-redneck creations. A NASCAR vehicle covered in Christmas lights leaves absolutely no doubt what so ever. This is by rednecks, for rednecks. I am puzzled over the lights pooled on the ground, but, hell, with many rednecks tidy is just a word that means… something. Still though. I guess they just had too many. A redneck might have solved that problem by tying the excess beneath the vehicle giving it a cool ground light effect.

Redneck Christmas Lights

Redneck Christmas Lights

Redneck Christmas Lights on a trailer, all decked out for the holidays. I guess Santa walks right in through the door? Ah yes, I can almost smell the Hungryman holiday TV dinner.

Redneck Christmas Lights
Redneck Christmas Lights

Redneck Lights deck out this traditional redneck abode, the ubiquitous travel trailer. a trailer like this can be home, a hunting cabin, or even a guest house, but when it is the primary residence then it needs to be properly decorated for the holidays. This redneck went all out, trailer lighted and the classic aluminum Christmas tree out front.

Redneck Christmas Tree

That there is a Redneck Christmas Tree

I’m having a hard time believing this one. Sure, it looks like the work of rednecks, but I don’t see any PBR cans, it may be a fake. Oh, wait, there they are 🙂

Redneck Christmas Tree
Redneck Christmas Tree

This is supposed to be a redneck Christmas tree. The beers themselves are standard American fare for the most part, but the telling factor in determining if this was in fact was created by rednecks is the plastic lawn chair in the snow next the the beer can pyramid. That alone indicated that yes, this was in fact made by beer drinking rednecks. Lawn chairs like this get brittle over time, and more so in snow. Only a bona fide redneck would use such an item in the aid of his construct.

Snowgirl

Snowgirl

Snowgirl
Snowgirl

 

Snowgirl, did you have some work done this winter? I think so, and so does everyone else. This is a cartoon of a snow man girl with large boobs, being talked about by two snowmen in the background. Looks like somebody got a snow job for Christmas says one to the other, obviously referring to her apparently newly curvy snow body. She didn’t have any nip and tuck done on that enormous carrot nose though, I would think maybe that would be a priority, but you know, she’s a blonde, so the priority could be skewed.

What Santa Does

What Does Santa Do for 364 days?

Somebody asked me what Santa does the rest of the year. I jokingly said he smokes crack, beats the wife, then rapes the elves, and that’s just the first day. Yeah, I know, coal for me this year. Here is the real answer by the way, and I don’t blame him a bit.

Merry Christmas What Santa Does
Merry Christmas What Santa Does

However that doesn’t mean he does not do those things, the cranky, judgmental old fat bastard. Then he goes invisible and lopes around searching for some girls gone wild action, maybe then a little sports fishing, followed by mugging some homeless folks.  Well, he had to do something normal, like sports fishing. By the way, that glass he’s holding? Fresh squeezed iced elf bladder. Pee, in other words.

TMI Santa

TMI Santa

TMI Santa
TMI Santa

Too much information Santa, sheesh. TMI Santa grosses out even the goldfish on the table with his thongs undies. I’m not sure if Santa routinely wears such things, or if he got them by mistake at one of the naughty girls houses. Maybe the wash didn’t get done, so he borrowed a pair of Mrs. Claus’s unmentionables. Either way, cool it fat boy. you’re on time out. We all understand that you like to feel pretty from time to time, but save it for when you’re at home, okay? Freakin weirdo from up north.

Santa Gets Lucky

Santa Gets Lucky Early Christmas

Santa Gets Lucky
Santa Gets Lucky

Santa gets lucky? you bet he does. Does Mrs. Claus have reason to worry about Santa straying, working hard to keep him sated? you bet she does. Remember, Santa knows where all the naughty girls live. It looks like Santa and Mrs. Claus are working their trusty mining claim once again, Rudolph and at least one elf put to work. Mrs. Claus, the little kinkster, is younger and better endowed than I would have guessed, but then again this is a cartoon. See, in another post I told you Santa’s real name is Cletus, at heart he is a redneck.

Texting and Driving

Rudolph the Red Nose Raindeer Texting and Driving

Texting And Driving
Texting And Driving

Rudolph crashes while texting and driving. Technically it would be Santa who was texting, as he’s the only one with thumbs, and he was driving. All fun in the cartoon, but texting and driving is a serious problem today. When the word “driving” is used, the only “and” that ought to be included is “driving”. Driving and driving. Not eating, drinking, drugging, texting, phoning, nothing. Just friggin drive! How many lives have to be lost to this idiotic behavior before people get it? Kids, they think they are indestructible and largely infallible, like all of us did as kids, but the numbers overwhelmingly show that this is a dangerous behavior.

Stanley Saves The Day

Stanley The Spare Saves The Day!

Christmas was almost delayed

Stanley Saves The Day after Santa has a Flat
Stanley Saves The Day after Santa has a Flat

 

Stanley Saves The Day
Stanley Saves The Day

…but Santa had foresight, and brought Stanley the Spare along. Stanley Saves The Day after having been the spare reindeer for so long, he got the chance to shine, and he shone bright, for just that night. Don’t ever be dismayed at being the back up, because when the time comes and you save the day people will realize that they couldn’t have done it without you. That’s how critical you are, now go, demand that raise!

Scooter Claus

Scooter Claus – No Sleigh!

Santa Scoots, or Scooter Claus. My how things have changed…

Scooter Claus
Scooter Claus

 

Scooter Claus got his name as a child. Growing up at the North Pole, Scooter was a lonely boy with no one but the random and seldom visiting elf to play with. One of his favorite things to do was to imitate the family dog and scoot his butt on the bear skin rug in front of the fireplace, much to the mixed laughter and dismay of his folks, Billy Bob and Ethel Claus. Their child, Cletus Claus, thus earned the nickname Scooter, a name that stuck with him only among family and very close friends, the rest of the world knowing him as Santa Claus. Here is a rare picture of Scooter Claus mocking his nickname by riding his namesake.