Cowboys and the old west are all part of our culture, that is, Americana. Cowboy jokes are too. so mosey on this way pard, as we have chuckle with our friends in the saddle.
A cowboy rides into town and stops at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
None of the locals answered.
“ALRIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HORSE AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON’T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly
He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled-up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go, what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”
~~~~~~
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theater. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, Im going to have to call the manager.
The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, whats you’re name?”
“Sam,” the cowboy moaned.
“Where ya from, Sam?”
With pain in his voice Sam replied….
“The balcony.”
~~~~~~
While hiking down along the border this morning, Jim Bob saw a couple Muslim extremists fall into the Rio Grande River. They was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs they was carrying. If they didn’t get any help, they’d surely drown.
Jim Bob continues,
“Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I am starting to think that I wasted a stamp.”
~~~~~~
A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.
However, he replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me too. I didn’t know we had that choice.”
~~~~~~
A cowboy enters a saloon and says to the bartender “Give me a drink for a real man!”
The bartender served him a shot of whisky, but the cowboy spits it out and yelling, “This stuff is for kids….give me something for a man!”
The bartender makes a mix of some of the most powerful stuff he had available, even adding some kerosene, hot sauce, and finishing with a .45 caliber bullet.
“Now THAT’s something good!” At that the cowboy paid for the drink and left.
A week later, the cowboy returns, “Give me another of those man drinks, but hold the bullet. Last week I throwed a fart and killed the horse”
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