Read the Blonde Jokes Weekly issue 14, an event we publish each Monday to help start the week a little brighter. After last week we considered switching it up to include other genre of jokes, but hey, even blondes love blonde jokes. Those who can read anyway…
Oh, and if you have a funny blonde joke, send it in! We’ll publish it to the masses for you with credit.
Oh, on the picture, I’ll bet mommy and daddy are so proud.
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face.
Dave says, “John, what are you so happy for?”
“Well Dave, I gotta tell you, yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and a redhead came up to me. Tits out to here, Dave. Tits out to here! She says, ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’
I said ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said ‘It’s either screw or swim!’ She couldn’t swim, Dave. She couldn’t swim!”
The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Dave says, “What are you happy about today John?”
“Well Dave, I gotta tell you, yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat and a beautiful brunette came up to me. Tits out to here, Dave. Tits out to here! She said ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ I told her ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Dave. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, ‘It’s either screw or swim!’ She couldn’t swim, Dave! She couldn’t swim!”
A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there crying over a beer.
Dave says, “John, what are you so sad for?”
“Well Dave, I gotta tell you, yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and the most desirable blonde came up to me. Tits WAY out to here, Dave. Tits WAY out to here. I had more wood than my boat does. She says, ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ So I said, ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out, much further than the last two.
I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said ‘It’s either screw or swim!’ She pulled down her pants and, well…
She had a dick, Dave! She had this great BIG dick! And I can’t swim Dave! I can’t swim!”
~~~~~~
One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, ‘We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through’.
Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again. The radio announcer says, ‘We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through.’
Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says ‘We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park…’
Then the power goes out.
Norman’s wife is very upset and with a worried look on her face she says, ‘Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I park on so the snowploughs can get through?’
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says…
‘Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time.’
~~~~~~
If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer’s disease?
Her IQ goes up!
What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
~~~~~~
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish in there”.
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
“How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the blonde.
So the man coolly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”
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