Blonde Jokes Weekly 13

Next week we’ll probably convert the Blonde Jokes Weekly to just regular jokes, but we’ll see. In the meantime, enjoy!

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The Blonde Swimmer

There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous

evening while in the bar in Newport Beach, California, to try and swim to Catalina Island. After some discussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached Avalon. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the California coast she decided that they couldn’t be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.
After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. “What took you so long?” inquired the Redhead.
“There were some strong currents out there! But I’m here now! Am I the last?” replied the Brunette.
“No. Blondie is still out there somewhere.” They decided to wait.
Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde “What took you so long?”
“What do you expect? You guy’s cheated, replied the indignant blonde, “You used your hands!”
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Who’s Not a Daddy

There’s was a blonde woman stuck on the side of the road with her car broken down. She walked up to a farm house and asked where the nearest gas station was.
The farmer said “The nearest station is about ten miles up the road but a storm is coming. Why don’t you stay the night here, and I’ll give you a ride in the morning.”
The woman, noticing the farmers two blonde sons, both good looking and in their twenties, agreed to stay the night.
That night, as she lay awake in her bed, all she could think about was how good those two blonde boys looked. She got up, went into the boys’ room and offered to teach them the ways of the world. She held up two condoms and told them to put them on so she wouldn’t get pregnant.
The boys agreed, and the three of them spent a night of wild sex.

Forty years later the two brothers were sitting on the porch. The first brother looked over to the other and said “Do you remember that woman 40 years ago who taught us the ways of the world?”
“Yep.” said the second brother
“Do you care if she gets pregnant?” asked the first.
“Nope.” said the second.
“Great,” said the first, “Can we take these damn condoms off now?”
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Blondes Drinking

Three blondes walked into a bar. The bartender asked the first what she wanted. She replied “I’ll have a bl.”
He thought a moment and then asked her “What’s a bl?” She replied,
“Well, duh, a bl is a Bud Lite.”
He turned to the second one and asked what she wanted. She replied “Make mine a ml.”
He thought ok, if a bl is Bud Lite, then ml could be Michelob or something, and said, “OK, what’s a ml?” She replied, “Well, duh, it’s a Miller Lite.”
He then turned to the third one and asked what she wanted. She replied “I’ll have a 15.”
He said, “Ok, bl is Bud Lite, and ml is Miller Lite, but I have never heard of a 15. What is it?” She said, “Well, duh, it’s a 7-7.”
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The Blonde Looks!

One day a blonde and a brunette were walking down to the grocery store when the brunette pointed out to the blonde “oh, hey look at that dead bird.”
The blonde looks around around up in the sky for a few minutes and says “hmm, I don’t see any dead ones.”
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Blonde Quickies

Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
A. LUCKY! (She finally gets some attention!)

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: “Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?”

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
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Blondes and Lightbulbs

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911.

Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up?
Blonde: No, it’s working fine.
Operator: Then what’s the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.